I NEED A HOLIDAY!

Ok, so I finally had a meltdown tonight...I feel so burnt out from working on papers and presentations and doing my practicum hours counselling clients for the last few weeks - that it has finally hit me again. (Although I am sure that PMS had something to do with it as well)!

I just had an extremely long day, and it was probably one of the worst days I've had in a long time. It started off good with me working out at the gym, and then I went to The Support Network to do some counselling. My first session with a client seemed to go well. Afterwards, my supervisor pulled me aside and went over my evaluation with me. She pretty much evaluated me "average" overall- which is totally what I expected (or how else am I going to improve?) I love feedback - especially constructive criticism.

However, I was really annoyed when she pointed out that sometimes I would go off to study when we had no clients, and the other psychologists on the team were just sitting around chit chatting. I felt that I had some important school work to get done, and that this would be an opportunity to make myself productive, since the ladies were just chatting about nothing important most of the time. My supervisor pointed out that she understood I had lots of school work, but she implied that I was being rude by not participating in conversations with the other psychologists. REALLY, they were talking about their kids and other useless information that I wouldn't even benefit from! Ugh! So that just really annoyed me, even after I explained to her that I always let the psychologists know that I wasn't being rude, but that I have ALOT of school work to do and needed as much time as possible to use my time wisely. They never seemed to mind. In fact, the coordinator encouraged me to do so. Although I understand my supervisor's perspective, I was just really irritated by that comment.

Another comment that REALLY irritated me was when she pointed out that my dress attire was inappropriate. For pete's sake, I wear button up dress shirts that cover up everything, except when I sit down in a chair, the shirt rises up a couple centimeters, so a glimpse of skin is showing. Like I really analyze my clothes that much! I mean, I understand where she's coming from and that we need to look professional, and I always try to dress appropriately when I'm working. It's funny, I usually wear sweaters that are pretty long, and the last 2 days when my supervisor was actually around on my shifts (she usually isn't), I wear shirts that rise up a little when I sit down. How ironic is that? After hearing this comment, I got even more annoyed (but of course I didn't show it).

Since the pressure is on for me to get another videotape of myself counselling a couple for this coming Tuesday, I had planned to stay at the clinic until I did so. LUCKILY, I got a mother-daughter duo. However, I felt that the session went so awful - the mother and daughter started to bicker so much that I had ended up doing individual counselling for each of them. The positive side is that I can still use some parts of the tape for my presentation in which both clients are in the room. However, I felt I did such a shitty job that it's really painful for me to watch it, let alone present it. The other psychologists who observed me thought I did a great job, but really, I didn't feel it. I know when I do a great job, and this wasn't one of the times. So my day just kept getting worse... (but of course I didn't let it show).

I get home, and start to make my own supper, and mom's harping on me because I am such a clutz in the kitchen. Of course I just bit my tongue and did not say much, but swear, I felt like I was going to implode.

Dan came over later so that we could go to my soccer game together. Well, I ended up having my meltdown as soon as he came in (i.e., I began to cry). It felt so damn good to cry on Dan's shoulder. Eventually I made it to my soccer game, but I was a few minutes late- which got me even more annoyed!

I guess it might have been a good thing I was mad tonight, as it was our last game and we needed to win this game since we were fighting for 4th place in our division against the team we were playing. I ended up scoring a hatrick (yay!) but we lost the game 5-4. Damn it. Oh well.

When Dan and I got home, I still did not feel much better - I just wish that for ONE day I could go away...or even just take a break from everything...and I mean everything - for one day...no work, worries or activities. Just to go out, and enjoy my day off- and do absolutely nothing. Wow, I can't remember the last time I got to do that. *SIGH* I had THE BEST CRY in a long time while Dan just held me. It felt so good to cry like a baby - to release all the tension and pressure. I like crying. It makes me feel better after. So does venting on my blog. :o) I don't care if anyone doesn't read this, it's for my own therapy.... And you know what's funny? Two of my classmates/friends had meltdowns this week too...which tells me that we're really freakin' stressed out!!!!

I can't wait until next weekend when I will be done everything, and I am going go out and party like there is no tomorrow. In the mean time...I self-soothed...by eating MANY spoonfuls of peanut-butter (Sorry Kinetix!) . I totally needed it...it was sooooo satisfying. :o)